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Wednesday, 12 September 2018

'Bionic Man' Tells How Being Born Without A Penis Pushed Him To The Brink Of Suicide Before He Finally Found Happiness

Andrew, pictured in hospital, successfully underwent the final stage of a £50,000 penile implant operation at London's University Hospital on Friday and has been given the all clear to at last lose his virginity at the age of 44
Bionic man Andrew Wardle admitted last night that he had tried to end his life twice after feeling alienated from society.
Andrew revealed that he had always felt like an outsider after being born with the congenital disease bladder exstrophy - literally turned inside out.
He felt abandoned by his birth mother, who had him adopted and rejected by his birth parents for not being normal.
At school, he failed to fit in as his life was consumed by hospital appointments, rather than play dates and homework.
After dropping out, he turned to drugs, hiding his disability from scores of girlfriends, because he was too wasted to have sex.

It was only after he had an epiphany in Thailand, after quitting drugs, and meeting his current girlfriend Fedra Fabian, that he turned his life around.
Now he is planning to lose his virginity on holiday with Fedra, with whom he lives in Manchester.
 'I had a lot of pain growing up. I went through a lot of operations and knew there was something wrong,' he said.
'I remember hearing a nurse speaking to a doctor saying: 'It's such a shame. He's such a handsome lad.'
'But it was only as a teenager that it hit me that it was going to be a real problem in the future.
'I tried to end my life twice. I turned to drugs. I turned to crime. I turned in on myself.
'I had really dark years. It was only when I found this hospital at the age of 39, that my life began to turn around.'
Born in 1973, at Stepping Hill Hospital in Stockport, Cheshire, the son of single mother, Andrew was so ill that doctors thought he would not survive. 
As well as bladder exstrophy, Andrew had epispadias, meaning that his bladder was not properly formed and his hips weren't fully joined.
Unable to cope, his mother put him up for adoption but it took 18 years of fostering before he was adopted.
Andrew, far left, said during his time at school, he knew he was different from the other boys and cried himself to sleep. 'My school friends didn't know what was wrong but they knew that I was different because I always had bandages on me,' he said
Andrew, far left, said during his time at school, he knew he was different from the other boys and cried himself to sleep. 'My school friends didn't know what was wrong but they knew that I was different because I always had bandages on me,' he said
He spent his childhood in and out of the hospital - although surgeons managed to move his bladder inside his body, it was tiny and he was prone to infection.
'My whole life was operation after operation after operation,' he grimaced. 'The problem with my condition is that you look fine.
'But as soon as you operate on somebody's bladder, you increase the risk of infection.
'My school friends didn't know what was wrong but they knew that I was different because I always had bandages on me.
'I got very adept in the changing rooms. I was a genius at getting changed, like a burlesque dancer.'
However, as he hit puberty, the realisation struck that he was different from his peers.
'I started getting depressed,' he said. 'I hid it through comedy, having a laugh, messing around, like a typical schoolboy.
'It was a tough period to grow up. It was the era of Benny Hill, the comedian, and every joke was sexualised.
'I began to get pretty dark days and cried myself to sleep. I saw a psychologist but he started talking about dark clouds and put me off for life.
'I was in deep trouble – I couldn't see the light. Everyone around me was planning to get a job, get married and have kids and I could see no future.
'I had a real panic. I thought what am I going to do after I leave school? I couldn't see past the day I left school.'
In despair, Andrew took an overdose of Paracetamol and ended up in hospital but, even then, he felt nobody cared.
'I think people looked at it as a cry for help but it wasn't,' he said. 'I wasn't feeling sorry for myself. I just wanted to end my life.
'I ended up in hospital. They kept me in for a while and then they just sent me home. Again, it was just brushed under the carpet.'
After leaving school at the age of 15 without any qualifications – he walked out of his exams - Andrew got dead-end jobs at a butcher's and abattoir.
He turned to drugs to numb his pain, taking advantage of the rave culture in Manchester.
In a bid to escape, he moved to Minehead, in Devon, to work at Butlin's, but he found that drugs were readily available at the holiday camp.
'I was taking a lot of drugs - ecstasy, LSD, cocaine,' he admitted. 'You could really blend in as it was the early 1990s, the days of acid house music.
'I used to take so many drugs that they called me the Chemical Brother. I didn't care what I was doing to myself.'
Perhaps because of his lack of availability, Andrew became a magnet for the girls.
But they were just a front to hide his disability: he never had sex with them, coming up with a range of excuses for being unable to perform.
'I was never single,' he said. 'But I never slept with them. For someone else it must sound bonkers but for me it was completely normal.
'Woman found it really appealing because I didn't go for one-night stands. They loved it. They thought I was a gentleman.
'But once I was in a relationship, I had to make excuses not to go to bed with them such as staying up late watching a film.
'I would even end up in a wrestling match with them on the bed. I once told a woman I was a Muslim because I had run out of anything else.
'She said: 'But I've seen you drinking,' and I said: 'Alcohol-free.' My biggest excuse was being too drugged up.
'I preferred a woman to leave me because I was off my head on drugs than for the real reason.'
If the relationship lasted, he would eventually come clean: some women were understanding; others took it badly.
'I once got punched in the face,' he recalled. 'I thought that was a bit harsh but she did say sorry. 
Then she said: 'I'm going to have a chat with my mum and see what my mum says about it.'
'And I thought: 'Well she's going to say, listen if you love someone, it's really worth fighting for.'
'I was really naïve. Her mum actually said: 'Just get rid of him straight away.' I couldn't believe it.
'The timing was always really difficult. You can't go up to someone and say: 'My name's Andrew and I haven't got a willy.' People would think I was nutty.
'So, you are always going to lead someone on. There is never a right time. No matter what anyone says. It's always going to come across badly.
'The longer you leave it the harder it is but if you say it at the beginning you look mental.'
Gradually Andrew's life spiralled out of control. In 2007, at the age of 34, he left Butlin's and drifted into casual work at fast food outlets in the seaside town of Skegness, Lincolnshire.
At Christmas 2011 he made his second suicide attempt. 'I was probably the most depressed I've ever been in Skegness,' he said.
Ironically, Andrew was very rarely single and was popular with women because he didn't pressure them into having sex. They thought that he was the perfect gentleman. He would always make excuses as to why he couldn't have sex, usually that he was too drunk to perform

Ironically, Andrew was very rarely single and was popular with women because he didn't pressure them into having sex. They thought that he was the perfect gentleman. He would always make excuses as to why he couldn't have sex, usually that he was too drunk to perform
'I've never been that depressed in my life. I think I had a complete breakdown. I broke up with another woman and realised I was on a spiral.
'It was around Christmas time and somehow I ended up in Scotland, taking a load of pills in a hotel room. 
'I must have made a phone call to someone - I can't remember who – and they phoned the police. They traced the number from the phone box. 
'All of a sudden I heard a knock at the door and a voice said: 'It's the police. Can you open the door?'
'So, I went into panic mode and picked up a knife from the side of my bed. God knows where it came from.
'The police were lovely. They said: 'Listen don't do anything with the knife.' They were scared I was going to stab myself through the heart.' 
His epiphany finally came at the start of 2012 when he flew to Thailand for a change of scenery.
'I realised I couldn't live like that so I decided I needed to go somewhere where I had no memories,' he explained.
'I needed an electric shock to get back into life again. I ended up flying to Bangkok and getting a little bus to Pattaya.
If the relationship lasted, Andrew said he would eventually come clean: some women were understanding; others took it badly. One woman punched him in the face. But Andrew said there was never a good time to tell a girlfriend the truth
'For the first few days I thought: 'Have I made a mistake coming here? What have I done?'
'And then one day I was walking on the beach and saw an old woman in a hammock.
'She was obviously homeless but was chatting and friendly and it just hit me: 'If she can be happy and have a life when she is homeless then surely I can.'
'I left my anger and depression in Thailand and was a completely different person when I came home.'

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