Most of us have gone through pain of of a break-up. The sleepless
nights, roller-coaster of emotions, puffy eyes and feeling as though the
grief might never end. Well we have good news for you! The grief will
end, and we have researched five top tips to make it easier and faster.
Allow yourself to grieve your loss
You are grieving the loss of your relationship, dreams and shared
commitment, as well as experiencing fear of the unknown future ahead.
During this period, you might experience confusion over whether this was
the right decision. Make an objective list of the reasons you broke up
and the good as well as the bad memories. If the cons outweigh the pros,
you will have a reminder as to why you broke up whenever you are
feeling regretful over the split. If you feel the pros outweigh the cons
you may wish to confide your concerns in a friend who will see things
from an impartial outsider’s point of view and you may wish to seek
additional support from a doctor or from www.relate.org.uk
Remove any reminders of him in your house or online
That includes taking down pictures on your mantle piece and online.
‘Technology is a huge obstacle,’ says relationship therapist Belisa
Vranich, PsyD, co-author of He's Got Potential. ‘Facebook and Twitter
make it incredibly difficult to move on’. Belisa recommends blocking him
rather than de-friending him. Keeping him in your timeline can cause
you to obsessively check his updates and misread any activity. Having a
clear out of anything connecting him to you will feel like a fresh start
and will help your emotional wounds heal.
Express your emotions
The grieving process can include anger, resentment, questions, hurt and
confusion. Bottling up all these mixed emotions can push you to the edge
and prevent closure. Get all these thoughts out into the open. As well
as confiding in friends, write a letter capturing all your upset either
addressed to your ex, or in a diary style. Writing down your feelings
might help you find answers as well as lifting a weight off your
shoulders. Either keep the letter so you can refer back to it throughout
the healing process, or else dispose of it in a ceremonious manner such
as ripping it into small pieces as though you were disposing of all
your troubles.
Get out there
Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist and author of emotional wellbeing
books, recommends keeping an active social diary. Don’t shy away from
socialising with friends and new people. This could include joining
reading groups, a hobby group or a new social group to rediscover who
you are. Whilst he encourages taking time out to grieve and cry, Barton
says, ‘Don't sit in your room and ruminate, you have to free your mind
so your heart can heal’. Assign one day a week for ‘me-time’ and fill up
the rest of your diary to give yourself a routine.
Time for a fresh start
Lastly, once you are on the road to recovery it is time for a fresh
start. Susan Elliot believes that our self-esteem often takes a hit
following a split. She endorses doing positive self-talk and affirmation
exercises to keep your self-image up. Work on your mental and physical
self to make you feel great about the new you. Write down five things
you love about yourself every day- this can include your looks,
achievements or character attributes. Get a new hairstyle, treat
yourself to some shopping (not too much!), redecorate the house, try a
new activity or enrol at a gym.
Remember the pain is only temporary. You will move on to an improved and
wonderful relationship as you will have learnt from previous
experience. When you are in this happy and exciting place, you will look
back and realise with relief that everything happens for a reason.
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