Monday 8 April 2013

The Biological Clock

If there is an alarm that freaks women out, it is the biological one. It has no snooze button (thank heavens for that) so you cannot insist you will be cuter for five more years. When the alarm of your biological clock goes off, your goose is cooked. The only possible 'snooze' button you get is called cosmetic surgery. And the problem with this 'snooze' button is the amount on the bill that you get slapped with. You can rest assured that this bill is huge enough to make you worry so much that you will end up with more wrinkles than the ones you were trying to get rid of in the first place. 

This is mainly because for you to be able to pay for cosmetic surgery, it will cost you an arm and a leg. 

Or just both legs in the air when the right customer comes calling. 

And for those who cannot afford this pretty expensive 'snooze' button, the alarm of the biological clock is something you are allowed to ignore at your own peril. 

Most women however fail to understand this. 

This morning, I saw one such woman who - while the biological clock is screaming louder than an angry Francis Atwoli during a press conference - she is busy pretending she cannot hear it. She was in her fifties or thereabouts (I think) ... ( though she may be just thirty something and believes she has the sole responsibility of converting all illicit brews to urine) ... and which ultimately contributes to her scare-crow-with-an-attitude looks. I wouldn't know for sure. Or care.

Before I however descend on her, let me first pay credit where its due. She was smartly dressed. 

It's the make up that betrayed everything.

You see, her face had wrinkles and that needed a few kilos of make-up to cover up. The result was one aweful sight. 

To give you a vivid picture, do you remember those primary school plays in boys-only institutions where some boys were forced to wear make-up and put on dresses to play roles of women? Well, the product of this activity was ugly 'women' (also with bragging rights for possessing the ugliest bamboo-sticks legs ever) who looked like endangered sea animals with difficult scientific names. Not to mention those legs also looked like they'd dive into a swimming pool of liquid vaseline na bado zitoke zimeparara. The make-up on their faces looked so fake you'd think the make-up was actively refusing to be on these faces. Now add some few unforgiving wrinkles. 

Now you have the picture.

The thing about (profesionally applied) make up - as I pointed out sometime ago - is that it is very good at highlighting. If you are beautiful, it will highlight your beauty. If you are a grade one scarecrow however, it gladly highlight that too. And especially when the user forgets make-up rule number one. Less is more. Using lots of it does not help you if you dont have the looks. If you look like Eugyene Wamalwer would look in a skirt, we do not have enough make-up in the world to make you look good. And especially when you are aging.

So ladies, some simple rules. Go easy on the make-up and know when your sell-by-date is nigh. There is no one to impress past a certain age unless you are still a virgin at fifty. And in that case, even a baboon will need some enticing to give you attention.

No comments:

Post a Comment