Monday 10 February 2014

Pastors, Wives Open Up On Sex Life – by Bosede Olusola-Obasa

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You see him on Sunday morning well dressed in his three piece suit and looking freshly anointed.

The picture you see is that of a cherub, who has just arrived from the heavens with a message for the people and would be back there soon after.

Once he starts to preach, the congregation is overwhelmed with the awe he exudes. Because this is all they know about him, some followers believe that is all about the pastor.

Ask some Christians and they will bet their life savings that their pastors have never visited the toilet, not to talk of having sex.

Where on earth do they have the time for such things, they seem to assert in illusion.

They base their judgement on the fact that usually, a pastor is seen praying, preaching or counselling; so the average congregant believes he must be a super being, who never answers to any call of nature – especially sex.

The pastor is perhaps the most misunderstood and over-rated being on earth today.

He is rated as a semi-god, incapable of enjoying the pleasures that life presents him. This is so because he rarely talks to his adherents about other areas of his life.

Saturday PUNCH asked some pastors and pastors’ wives if they have erotic feelings and sexual closeness with their spouses like other people.

They said the illusion that pastors don’t have sex life only lies in the minds of few ignorant congregants.

“Sex is a beautiful gift from God within the marriage context. It is not possible for my husband not to have sex. He feels the same way other men feel because he is human. It is the food of our marriage just as food is to the body. We make it a regular affair because the absence of it can negatively affect our relationship and even his work as a pastor,” said Pastor (Mrs.) Kemi Olofinkua of the New Anointing Deliverance Church, Anifowose, Ikeja, Lagos.

She said that both she and her husband do not take sex for granted because starving one another could cause a scandal, especially if not properly managed.

She said that she seldom turned down her husband’s invitation because strange women would willingly offer themselves if allowed.

Olofinkua said, “People who think pastors don’t have sex must be funny. No matter the level of anointing, a pastor needs his wife at home. The difference between a pastor and other men is that he can cope whenever his work demands that he abstains from sex.

“But it is dangerous to make him burn with desire for sex without satisfying it with his wife. If this happens, he could be pushed out into the waiting arms of many others because pastoral work usually endears pastors to people – men and women. As a pastor’s wife, I don’t take my husband’s sexual need for granted. When he beckons, no matter how tired I am, I don’t turn him down.”

Similarly, Pastor Mrs. Shade Toyin-Kehinde said it is a fallacy to think or say that pastors don’t have sex with their wives.

She said, “Pastors are not woods. It is the same with pastors as it is for other men. Sex is an integral part of every marriage. It is anti-god to wish it away. A healthy, regular sex is important to pastors because it makes them to maintain focus and avoid falling on the laps of other desperate women, who wish to have them because of the glory on them.”

She said that she makes it a point of duty to ‘serve’ her husband, especially after he has done great spiritual exploits, adding that a pastor who has a poor sexual relationship with his wife would engage in extra-marital affairs.

She said, “If your wife has just served you hot pounded yam and egusi soup before leaving home and someone then offers you beans, you will naturally turn down the offer because you’re satisfy. I don’t joke with my sexual relationship with my husband and I never say no to him.”

Toyin-Kehinde, who is the wife of the Pastor in charge of Agape Generation International Church, Maryland, Lagos, said there should be no week without sex between a pastor and his wife. She said a healthy sex in marriage enhances holiness.

She said, “The anointing attracts goodwill and people. Some women in church get so carried away that they tell the pastor ‘I just like you.’ The pastor’s wife must help her husband to overcome these overtures by being there for him.

“My husband doesn’t flirt but we have devised means to stay close always. Our offices are just side-by-side. When a woman comes to him for counselling and she is not properly dressed, he directs her to me. We preach healthy sex in marriage and we practise it.”

She said it is unfortunate that some pastors pretend to be too busy to enjoy sex in marriage.

84-year-old pastor shares experience

Speaking from a male pastor’s viewpoint, 84-year-old clergyman, Rev. Moses Iloh, who is a Senior Pastor at Soul Winning Chapel, Ebute Meta, Lagos, offered personal love experience.

Having been married to his wife, Love, for 48 years, he said that a healthy sexual relationship, among other things, has made him a very happy man.

He said that the secret of the erotic relationship between him and his wife is doing everything together.

Iloh said, “When we are 50 years in marriage, we will get married again; we did same when we turned 25.

“From the first day of marriage, we bathed together, ate together, shared the same bedroom. Our bodies belong to one another. With these activities, there can be no barriers to a good sex relationship. We don’t starve ourselves of sex,” he said.

Iloh regretted that some pastors allow themselves to be overtaken by temptation because they neglect their wives in the name of being busy.

He said, “It is foolish for a pastor to abandon his wife because he is doing God’s work. His wife is his priority.

“If you take good care of your wife, she will make love to you willingly. That is what I have been doing. I am 84 and very agile, happy because I have a happy home. Matrimony is the happiest thing that happened to me. My wife is not around now but wherever I am, I am always rushing home to be with my wife, friend and confidant.

“People who run into hurting relationships are open to illnesses and may die young. They should seek help.”

‘Pastors crave more sex than others’

Another male pastor, Pastor Bisi Adewale, said that nothing could be farther from the truth than believing that pastors do not have sex with their wives.

He said pastors crave sex just like every other man and there should not be any pretence about it.

“My wife is not available right now; she would have told you more. Pastors demand for sex more than men who are not pastors because they have only one wife to turn to. The fact that we are pastors doesn’t eliminate our biological make up. There should be no pretence about this matter.

“I heard of a pastor who said he was looking for God’s power and abstained from his wife for more than 10 years and a prominent pastor in the country had to travel to Port Harcourt to settle the issue. His wife needed him, but he wasn’t there. He didn’t get her consent to go on a long period of abstinence to fast and pray to seek the power of God. His wife had to resort to the use of vibrator.”

He gave another instance when a pastor abstained from his wife for a long time to seek power until his mechanic impregnated his wife.

He said that pretending about the need for sex is a major cause of scandals in ministries and it should be avoided.

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