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Friday 16 October 2015

Why Do Women Cheat? The Answers, Of Course, Are Complicated. Women Who Cheated On Their Husbands Share The Reasons For Their Infidelity - From Pure Boredom To Revenge And Resentment


Cosmopolitan.com spoke to five women to find out why they were unfaithful in their marriages, and while they found that the underlying issues were all emotional, each woman pointed to a very different impetus for her infidelity.
From firing back at husbands who were unfaithful first, to breaking out of their boring, monotonous lives, these women revealed the gritty details of what drove them to shake up and even destroy their marriages. 

LET ME START AS WOMEN DO CHEAT TOO. BUT LET ME TELL YOU A FEW THINGS ABOUT MOST WOMEN.  THEY WILL NOT CHEAT ON A MAN THAT IS FULFILLING HER NEEDS. IF YOU ARE FULFILLING HER MIND & BODY THIS WOMEN WILL HAVE NO REASON TO LEAVE YOUR LIFE. MANY MEN DO TELL ME WOMEN LEAVE THEM, CHEAT BUT I TRULY HAVE TO SAY & AGAIN NOT FOR ALL. THERE ARE MANY GREAT GUYS. BUT I FEEL THAT THE GIRLS AREN'T LEAVING OR CHEATING BECAUSE OF SOCIAL SITES OR QUANTITY OF MEN BUT SOMETIMES A MAN IS JUST NOT ACTING RIGHT. IN HO…:


When men cheat, it's most often just about the sex act itself - and they're a lot more likely to be the ones cheating, too. The American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy found that about 25 per cent of married men have had extramarital sex, compared to 15 per cent of married women.
But women do, of course, cheat, and they're 40 per cent more likely to do so now than they were even 20 years ago, according to a survey by the National Opinion Research Center.
So what gets them to take the plunge? More often than with men, it's an emotional issue: A study by the University of Guelph in Ontario, Canada found that a woman is 2.6 times more likely to cheat on her husband if she's unhappy in the relationship. That statistic implies that female infidelity is more about finding an emotional connection than a pure physical pleasure. 
And to back that up, a 2007 study found that women are also more likely to turn an affair into a relationship, once their jilted ex-partner is out of the picture. 


That was the case for at least one of Cosmo's case studies. Barbara Singer (names have been changed), a 49-year-old, said her husband was a workaholic with no time or energy for her.
'I was totally committed to my family and gave it my all, but knew in my heart that I certainly did not want this for rest of my life,' she said.
She etched out an independent life while they were still married, but that wasn't enough. After ten years, she ended up going out with a male acquaintance name Tom and sleeping with him.
In just a few weeks, she left her husband, and two years after that, she married Tom.
One night, she met up with Tom, an acquaintance, and ended up staying out all night with him. Within a few weeks of meeting him, she ended her marriage, and two years later, she and Tom were married. She said that meeting him was the best thing that could have happened to her, because it made her realize how 'precious' life is - especially because he died of a heart attack a week after they tied the knot. 
WHY DO WOMEN CHEATCheating in a relationship is the sure shot way of ending it. But even though they know it, manypeople s...

Barbara Gisborne, from Wisconsin, also continued to have a relationship with her affair, though hers worked out more favorably.
The then-35-year-old had a 'loving husband' and two kids but didn't feel like she fit in in her town, and was mostly just bored with her suburban life.
So when she met an Australian man named Bob who was in town on business, she flirted - and ended up keeping in touch with him. Unable - or unwilling - to restrain herself, she booked a flight to visit him down under to 'get him out of her system'.
She ended up falling in love and leaving her husband and hometown to live with Bob. The two are still married 25 years later and have five children - and ten grandchildren.

A couple women didn't end up with the men they cheated with, but rather worked it out with their husbands.
Vanessa Myers, 28, has been married for six years - but not all of them have been blissful. The couple had planned to have children immediately, but once they were married, Vanessa changed her mind. She wanted to focus on her career - a change of heart that led to a lot of resentment from her husband.
 I wanted to know that I was still desirable to other men
The tipping point was when Vanessa caught her husband trying to surreptitiously slip off his condom during sex in order to get her pregnant without her knowledge or consent. That's when Vanessa cheated with a man she met online, an affair that lasted for roughly a year and only ended when she got caught. 
The two ended up going for counseling and worked on their problems: 'The biggest lesson I learned was that if I was unhappy in my marriage, my husband was only 50 percent to blame'
Larie Norvell, 33, said that her husband cheated first, which she learned about a year into their marriage. Feeling a whirlwind of emotional - anger, sadness, inadequacy - she ended up being unfaithful herself. 
'[It was] mostly for revenge, but in retrospect, it was also because I wanted validation. I wanted to know that I was still desirable to other men,' she said.
He found out, and the two saved their marriage after going for counseling.



“IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT”
But seriously, at some point you'll be ready to answer the question: what part did I play in it? Ninety per cent of people who cheat believe that they are justified in doing so. Are you stingy with emotional support? She may feel abandoned and isolated. Remember, intimacy is not just about sex, it's about non-physical connections, commitment and mutual emotional investment. Have you committed a betrayal that remains unresolved? She may seek revenge. Are you equal partners or does she feel exploited emotionally or practically? With our relationship “roles” becoming evermore flexible and fragmented, are you on the same page about what each of you expects from the other?

How do you know if she is cheating (besides the strange rash)?
Is she truly being distant, or have past experiences caused you to jump to the conclusion that people will inevitably hurt you? If she has cheated before, she may think it's OK to do again, and it would be naive to ignore past examples of a two-timing character. There are some pretty impressive surveillance techniques and body-language give-aways, but that's another article altogether so for now I'll suggest the obvious: ask the question. Bear in mind that if you even have to ask, trust has somehow already been eroded and this issue, whatever it turns out to be, needs confronting.
Now, you've discovered she has been unfaithful - do you want to take her back?
No relationship is perfect. What makes it pretty damn close to perfect, though, is if you still want to be together and try to work it out when things inevitably get difficult. In order to repair the relationship, you need to truly understand and be prepared to analyse why she did it. Taking someone back doesn't necessarily make you a fool; it takes a lot of strength, patience and self-assurance to see beyond that betrayal. Want to know whether you are a doormat? Ask yourself whether you believe this was just a one-time mistake, or just the first time she makes it.

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